The following is an excerpt from a conversation that I overheard while getting a haircut the other day:

Little Girl: I love my Barbie! I bring her everywhere I go.

Hair Dresser: Do you like her blond hair?

Little Girl: I guess so.

Hair Dresser: You are never too old to want to be like Barbie. Every little girl should want to grow up to be and look like her.

The hairdresser’s name is Kate. She is 34 and has two kids of her own. It was difficult to listen to the rest of the conversation because I started to think about America’s beauty culture, and its implications on our society. To be candid, I immediately thought: How can a parent hold such an unhealthy belief and probably instill the same values in her own children? It was obvious that Kate believed what she told the girl, not exclusively from her words, but it was also clear from her towering heels, the superfluous amount of makeup on her face, and her noticeably fake bleach-blond hair. This woman physically reflected her own words. At least she was consistent.

I don’t completely blame Kate for negatively reinforcing the little girl’s developing worldview. As some would say, "Kate is a product of her environment". Let’s take a step back a moment and think existentially about the influence of the media on the current state of our society. Where you live, who your parents are, where you go to school, what you are taught in school, what you watch on TV, who your friends are, etc. all influence who you are, and who you become. No one denies this. What people argue about is, to what degree each of those "things" actually influences us at an individual level. I think that our environment, the media we are subject to, and the society we live in, all play a tremendous role in the development of the beliefs that all of us hold. Kate is, in a sense, a reflection of her environment. Her belief that every child should desire to mimic the behavior and appearance of a Barbie doll is one that is deeply rooted into the core of who she is.

To go even further, it doesn’t help Kate that she lives in a society where bystanders are passive during such events. I was completely passive during the entire conversation between her and the little girl. I was caught up in my own judgmental thinking. Rather than engage her in dialogue, I sat in silence. This is unfortunately commonplace in the 21st century.

Why was I passive in this situation? Why didn’t I ask Kate why she believes that her “attractive” outward appearance is so important? I suppose two reasons come to my mind. The first reason is because I presumed (falsely or not) that Kate has had 34 years of constant reinforcement from the media, social influences and possibly family pressures all of which have been telling her that it is important and essential to appear the way she does. I suppose from there I jumped to the conclusion that it would be impossible to counter all of that priming and reinforcement from one short conversation I could have with her. I wrongly gave up hope on her, thinking she was somewhat of a lost cause. Secondly, I let our post-modern society of relativity dictate me. Post-modernity declares that it is no longer appropriate to share your beliefs, as that presupposes that you are “imposing” them on others. Despite this being true or not, to those with good intentions, it shouldn’t matter how they are viewed. I shouldn’t have cared what she thought of me; I should have said something.

Regardless of everything else, in hindsight, I wish that I had at least taken a second to talk to the little girl that Kate unknowingly deceived. I wish I had told her that she is beautiful, just the way she is.